Dear Fellowship of the Burning Heart:

In a previous article, Relationship: Authentic or Synthetic, I asked the question: “What are the keys practices that foster it (relationship)?” I didn’t get any responses so I thought that I would give one.

When I was a young Christian I learned five key words that when, recalled to mind, would aid spiritual formation. They are:

1. Hear
2. Read
3. Study
4. Memorize
5. Meditate

I was thinking about these simple words and it occurred to me that they reveal the keys to building relationship. Let me explain.

1. Hear. It’s no secret that listening is a key skill in the pursuit of developing relationship. It’s also a difficult skill to develop. Most of us are far more comfortable talking. But the only way to really get to know another person (their hopes, fears, desires, needs, goals, etc.) is to listen. Now, listening is more than just hearing sounds or words. Listening is an active participation in the conversation, attentive to the words spoken, the expressions made, the emotions conveyed. Listening seeks to get to the heart of the other person. God speaks to us through his creation, through our circumstances, through others, and in our spirit as well as through his Word. Are you listening?

Let me suggest that we should think of prayer more in terms of listening than speaking. I don’t think that it’s wrong to tell God what we want or how we feel. Certainly, he wants to hear from us. If we are seeking him, none of our words fall on deaf ears. However, we are told to “be quiet” (Psalm 46:10) and know that he is God. Elijah heard from God, not through a strong wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a “low whisper.” (1 Kings 19:12 ESV) Had Elijah not been listening or prepared to listen, he would have missed the whisper of God. I wonder if, during the chaos, commotion, and cacophony of life, we fail to hear God whispering to us. Prayer can become an opportunity to listen as well as to speak.

2. Read. The most common way to do this in our relationship with God is to listen to him in the Word, the Bible. He has spoken and we need to listen to what he has to say to us. It may seem simplistic, but I believe that the power of the Bible lies in its ability to speak to me in my circumstances and my situation. Reading the Bible to hear from God ought to be the major reason to approach it. To do this we must not neglect asking ourselves what he was saying and what he meant when he first gave the message. Knowing his initial audience and their circumstances also helps our understanding. But we must press on to discover what he wants to communicate to us.

One way to learn about another is to read the letters and other correspondence addressed to us. When my wife and I were separated the last few months before our marriage, we agreed to write a letter to each other every day. That was no small feat for a young man unaccustomed to writing letters. But it kept us close to each other during a challenging time. Remember the days of “love letters“. Maybe we should now call them love emails or texting. Consider the Bible God’s love letter to us, letting us know his love and concern for us and giving us information about himself that we need.

(Stay tuned in for another post describing the last three words.)