I just read a post on Facebook about what a 19-year-old had to give up by getting married. The piece was very thoughtful and presented some very important points to consider. However, one thing I thought was strange and caught me off guard was that the author thought this was a very young age for marriage and had been taunted and ridiculed for entertaining marriage at such a young age.

When Sheila and I married 39 years ago today, we didn’t consider ourselves too young. She was 19 and I was 20. I grew up in AR and 13-16 years of age was considered young. Yes, some of my relatives had married at that young age. We were of the opinion that we were old enough to know what we were doing, having graduated from high school of course. She had been working in an office and I had already worked at three different jobs. We thought we had experienced enough of the real world to know what we were doing. When we met at college, she roped me into a whirlwind romance.

Little did we know, and we never can know without the experience, how much we didn’t know and needed to know. But we launched out into the great unknown and started what has become a 39-year course in finance, budgeting, family planning, relationships, mergers, negotiation, psychology, sociology, corporate strategy, and so much more. It will probably take another 39 years to graduate.

We thought we knew each other when we got married. We had spent 8 months dating (four of which I spent in AR and she in FL). People did try to warn us, to discourage us, and to shame us into reconsidering. A few (you know who you are) tried to tell us that it would never work, would never last. Sheila says that we are staying together just to prove them wrong (she’s stubborn that way).

August 2, 1975

We have spent 39 years learning how little we knew each other and just when we think that we finally know each other well, we discover something else that we didn’t know. Those who think that living with the same person for 39 years must be boring hasn’t done it or wasn’t engaged in the effort while trying it. Every day is a new adventure in seeking to understand this person. Every day is an opportunity to grow more in love, to appreciate more the person you have chosen for life, to learn the joy of sharing, the necessity for humility, and the grace of forgiveness.

It may seem like an eternity to the young, but time really does fly by and it seems to us like only yesterday that I was standing at the front of the church in my white tux and she was walking down the isle in her white dress, two innocent youths embarking on an exciting adventure into the great unknown. My knees were shaking uncontrollably as I watched her move toward me. They were shaking so hard that I thought I might topple the altar as we knelt together in prayer. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. Only later would I understand.

Life has a way of throwing surprises at you. We have had our fair share. Her parents tragically killed in an automobile accident when she was three months pregnant with our first child. A ministry position that turned into a four-year nightmare (literally!). An emergency appendectomy when she was seven weeks pregnant with our youngest. Even a surprise pregnancy. A bankrupt health insurance company that refused to pay the medical expenses for two hospital visits while it kept taking our premiums. Struggling to stay out of debt, working two or more jobs to support a growing family, finding creative ways to make ends meet. But through it all we grew stronger and closer.

Young and Innocent

So here we are after all these years…39 to be exact. Whatever the future holds, dearest, I can’t imagine not holding you close to me, me without you, us without each other. I’d rather lose an arm and a leg (literally!) than have to spend these years without you. The Scripture says a man should love his wife as his own body. So you have become a part of me, so much so that I can’t imagine life without you. I hope and trust that when that magic number of 50 arrives, it will find us closer, stronger, wiser and more in love than ever. What started in our youth as a launch into the great unknown has blossomed into a grand adventure in life. You’re still the one. To be continued…